One Simple Question that Can Help You Feel Better

Recently, my colleagues, Shannon Kolakowski, PsyD, Heidi Reeder, PhD, and Ben Michaelis, PhD, and I were interviewed for Forbes, in an article called Recovering Resilience: 7 Methods For Becoming Mentally Stronger. It’s a topic near and dear to my heart, but it’s also one that’s happily become central to discussions of mental health and wellbeing.

For too long, psychologists—and most mental health professionals— have focused on what’s wrong, paying little attention to what’s right and what works. When clients arrive at my sessions in a great mood, they often look a bit hesitant to start, and then say something like, “It’s been a pretty uneventful week—I’m not sure what to talk about today.” Translation: nothing feels wrong today.

So my next question is always this: “What’s been going well? We can learn as much from that as we can from talking about what’s been troubling you.” It’s a response that comes as a surprise to many, but they usually light up and have plenty to say.

We have to reinforce and celebrate moments of change. It’s by paying closer attention to our triumphs, as well as our trials, that we often learn how to move forward with greater happiness and resilience.  Pausing to reflect on our success often reminds us of the special gifts we bring to the world and people around us. And research suggests that we all feel better when we set aside some time for that.

If you like my posts, let me know! Let's connect on Facebook and Twitter. And be sure to sign up for my newsletter, for more tips and advice, as well as information on my forthcoming book, Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad--And Surprising Good--About Feeling Special, devoted to understanding and coping with narcissism in all its forms, in our friends, lovers, colleagues-and even ourselves. Harperwave and Harper UK, July 2015.