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Main | Can Abuse be Invisible? »
Thursday
Jun182015

The Real Problem with Rachel Dolezal

 

Last week, I was interviewed by The Telegraph about Rachel Dolezal. I’ll repeat here what I said then: No one creates a false self, narcissistic or otherwise, if they feel securely loved.

All the pieces fit together neatly now. I've found the parents' response appalling all along.

And as you can see, I’m not alone.

They seem to take delight in tearing their own daughter down.

So we can add another potential motivation here, more direct, that seems to have shaped Rachel Dolezal’s choices: If I deny my whiteness I deny the worst in myself--and can repress the horror of my abuse with a new self, one that champions blacks, protects instead of harms them, and lives her life in complete opposition to the warped values of her parents.

Dolezal's lies are inexcusable. But it seems likely, at this point, that they’re rooted in trauma.

And that’s the saddest part of the story for me.

 


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To learn more about dangerous narcissism, including specific, research-backed strategies to protect yourself from it, order Rethinking Narcissism today.

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Sign up for my newsletter, for more tips and advice, as well as information on my forthcoming book, Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad--And Surprising Good--About Feeling Special, devoted to understanding and coping with narcissism in all its forms, in our friends, lovers, colleagues-and even ourselves. Harperwave and Harper UK, July 2015

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