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The Science of First Dates

Show interest if you're the least bit attracted.

Despite the pervasive myth we like to chase after people, the actual dating research paints a different picture: no one wants to date people who play hard to get. There's a world of difference between someone who's less available because . . . Read Keep it Interesting

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Welcome friends and fans. Thank you for following my work and sharing your feedback. I deeply appreciate the thoughtfulness and gratitude so many of you have conveyed in your comments and messages. I’ve been moved not only by the pain and power of your stories, but the courage you’ve shown in sharing them. I wish I could reply to each of you, at length, but due to the volume of correspondence I receive, I’m no longer able to. But please know that I read all your questions and comments and often address the issues they raise in my articles. One other disclaimer: HIPPA law restricts psychologists from providing therapeutic advice or conducting sensitive conversations through social media or email. I apologize for any inconvenience this might cause. If you’d like to set up a confidential face-to-face, skype, or phone consultation, please call my office: 617-491-1660. You can find fees here. I ‘m grateful your interest and support!  

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Thursday
Mar152012

How to Overcome Intimacy Fears: Lessons from a Vampire Slayer

The tactics we use to avoid intimacy can make our relationships more fraught and the world seem like an even more dangerous place. So how do we overcome all these fears and truly trust the people we love?

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Tuesday
Dec062011

Can Passion and Security Coexist? Reflections on Cronenberg’s "A Dangerous Method"

Once you've built a home, a family, a life together, how do you make sense of the fact that the thrill is–or seems to be–gone? Can passion and security coexist? Or do we inevitably trade excitement for stability when we commit to someone? Do we have to rein in our most powerful impulses to protect the very relationship we've worked so hard to build?

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Sunday
Nov062011

Why You Should be Concerned about Kim Kardashian's Divorce

The press is crying hoax and twitter is–well all atwitter–with jokes about the Kardashian-Humphries divorce. But there's good reason to be concerned, and it has more to do with looking at ourselves in the mirror than pointing the finger at Kim Kardashian for her reckless behavior.

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Sunday
Oct022011

Are You Killing Your Hope for Lasting Love

The end of a romance can be one of the most painful experiences of our lives. Recent studies even suggest that the hurt of romantic rejection lights up the same region of the brain as physical pain. In that sense, our minds see precious little difference between broken hearts and broken limbs. With as much pain as it causes when we open our heart to someone and have it crushed, perhaps the most remarkable thing is that we keep searching for love at all. But is it possible that sometimes the hope for love, itself, can become too frightening? That the cost of losing love far outweighs the potential benefits of finding and keeping it?

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Wednesday
Aug172011

When Your Partner's Love Isn't Enough

By the time she had her third panic attack in two weeks, I'd been seeing Paula, a bright, adventurous graduate student from Colombia, for the better part of a year. I was, frankly, puzzled by the episodes. Exploring her earlier history and her present life unearthed no real clues as to why she'd still be suffering such a powerful, persistent feeling of dread. Her daily regimen now included running, weight-training, relaxation exercises, and yoga, and still, even with all her hard work, she constantly battled feelings of overwhelm and fear.

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